Q. “We need more day-to-day help, but we don’t want to be a burden to our family.”
A. Our kids are busy with their own families and careers. They see what we’re going through and don’t even offer to help. We’re afraid if we ask for help it will stir up old conflicts, the kids will just get into fights with each other, or they’ll just be critical. Sometimes it’s based on geography – sometimes on money – sometimes on family dynamics. Maybe family members don’t live close, or only one child does. Our kids are busy with their own families and careers. We don’t want to stir up old conflicts. We don’t want our children getting into fights with each other.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What kind of help do we need?
- Have we shared this with our family, and if not, how might we do that?
- Who might be able to help, in what ways?
- How can we make it happen?
Helpful Tips: You could write a letter to the family and explain the situation. Tell them what you’re worried about, and you’re not sure what to do. Honestly share your worries with them. For example, “We worry about going up and down the stairs all the time. It’s getting harder and harder and we can’t afford to fall.” Ask for their ideas.
Take some time to write down what you are worried about. Set aside some time to talk with children, friends and relatives to share these concerns. Listen to them, really listen, and try to understand their perspective. You could suggest a family meeting so everyone can discuss what’s going on, and ask for their views on things.
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